Picture Nenpan, three months into her first real job in Abuja. She grew up in Jos, surrounded by family, church friends and neighbours who knew her name. Now she spends two hours a day in traffic from Kubwa, eats dinner alone in her one-room apartment and scrolls through photos of friends having fun back home. Her calendar is full of work, yet she feels completely alone. If this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with loneliness in the city. It is more common than you think, and there are simple, practical ways to build real connection again.
Loneliness is the painful feeling that your social connections are fewer or less close than you want. It is different from being alone: you can live alone and feel fine, or be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. The World Health Organization estimates that about 1 in 6 people worldwide experience loneliness, and it is most common among adolescents and young adults.
Key takeaways
- Loneliness is common, especially for young adults who move for work, school or NYSC.
- The WHO links loneliness and social isolation with serious risks to physical and mental health.
- Small, regular actions, such as joining one group or calling one friend a week, rebuild connection.
- If loneliness comes with hopelessness or low mood for weeks, speak to a professional.
What loneliness is (and isn’t)
| Being alone | Loneliness | |
|---|---|---|
| What it is | A physical state: no one else is around | A feeling: your connections don’t meet your needs |
| Can it feel good? | Yes, many people enjoy time alone | No, it feels painful or empty |
| Can it happen in a crowd? | No | Yes, you can feel lonely in a busy office or full church |
Loneliness is not a weakness or a character flaw. It is a signal, like hunger, telling you that you need more meaningful connection.
Why cities can make loneliness worse
- You left your support system behind. Moving from Enugu to Lagos, or from Kano to Abuja, often means leaving family, childhood friends and your faith community.
- Long commutes eat your free time. Hours on the road leave little energy for socialising.
- Busy, transactional relationships. Many city interactions are quick and practical, with colleagues, customers and vendors, not deep and personal.
- Money pressure. Hanging out can feel expensive, so people stay home.
- Social media comparison. Seeing others’ fun weekends can make your quiet ones feel worse. Read our guide on social media and mental health.
What research says about loneliness and health
In June 2025, the WHO Commission on Social Connection published a major report on loneliness. It found that:
- About 1 in 6 people worldwide experience loneliness.
- It is most common among adolescents and young adults (around 1 in 5) and in lower-income countries (nearly 1 in 4 people).
- Loneliness is linked to an estimated 871,000 deaths every year, and to higher risks of heart disease, diabetes, depression and anxiety.
Earlier research points the same way. A 2010 review of 148 studies by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and colleagues found that people with stronger social relationships had a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the study periods than those with weaker ones.
The message is clear: connection is not a luxury. It is part of good health.
7 practical ways to build connection in a new city
- Join one regular group. Regular meetings build friendships faster than one-off events. Options include your church or mosque’s youth fellowship, a running or football club, a book club or a professional association.
- Reconnect with your alumni network. Old school or university mates in the same city are an easy starting point. Look for alumni WhatsApp groups.
- Volunteer. Helping at a community project, orphanage or NGO connects you with kind people and gives you purpose.
- Say yes more often. When a colleague invites you for lunch or a hangout, try to go, even if you feel tired.
- Be the one who invites. Others are often lonely too. Suggest a simple, low-cost plan like a walk, suya and a chat, or watching a match together.
- Talk to your neighbours. A simple greeting every day can turn into a friendship over time.
- Protect sleep and routine. Loneliness feels heavier when you are exhausted. Read our guide on how to manage stress.
Staying close to family without black-tax guilt
Calling home can ease loneliness, but some calls end in money requests, which can make you avoid family altogether. Try setting a regular, relaxed call time that isn’t about money, and handle financial requests separately with clear boundaries. Our guides on black tax and setting healthy boundaries can help.
When to seek help
Loneliness can overlap with depression and anxiety. Please speak to a doctor or licensed mental health professional if:
- You feel sad, empty or hopeless most days for two weeks or more.
- You have lost interest in things you used to enjoy.
- Your sleep, appetite or work is seriously affected.
- You are using alcohol or other substances to cope.
If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department immediately. You can also call the free She Writes Woman mental health helpline on 0800 800 2000.
Try this this week
Find one regular group in your city, such as a fellowship, a sports club, a volunteer project or an alumni meet-up, and attend once. Then send a message to one old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, just to say hello.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel lonely in a new city?
Yes. Moving to a new city means leaving behind family, friends and familiar routines, so loneliness is a very common reaction. The World Health Organization reports that loneliness is especially common among young adults. It usually eases as you build new routines and connections, but it helps to take small steps early.
How can I make friends as an adult in Lagos or Abuja?
Join groups that meet regularly, such as faith fellowships, sports clubs, book clubs, volunteer projects or professional associations. Reconnect with alumni in the city, accept invitations from colleagues and invite others to simple, low-cost plans. Friendships grow through repeated time together, so consistency matters more than big events.
When is loneliness a sign of depression?
Loneliness is a feeling, while depression is a health condition. If loneliness comes with low mood, hopelessness, loss of interest, sleep or appetite changes, or difficulty functioning for two weeks or more, it may be depression. Speak to a doctor or licensed mental health professional for proper assessment.
Final thoughts
Feeling lonely in a busy city doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you are human, and you need people. Start small: one group, one call, one invitation. Connection is built one conversation at a time, and every step counts.
Look after your whole wellbeing with our guide on how to manage stress, and join the Mindset.ng newsletter for weekly practical guides.
Related reading
- Social media and mental health
- Burnout: signs, causes and how to recover
- How to communicate better in relationships
Sources
- World Health Organization. Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death (30 June 2025).
- World Health Organization. WHO Commission on Social Connection.
- Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Written and fact-checked by the Mindset.ng Editorial Team in line with our Editorial Policy. This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Read our Disclaimer. Last updated: 25 September 2026.
