We all know someone who is brilliant on paper, with a first-class degree and every certification, but can’t keep a team together, loses their temper in meetings, and wonders why nobody wants to work with them. We also know someone with average grades whom everyone trusts, follows and keeps promoting. Very often, the difference is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand, use and manage emotions, both your own and other people’s. The concept was introduced by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and popularised by Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book Emotional Intelligence. It matters in relationships, leadership, teamwork and everyday decision-making, and it can be developed with practice.
Key takeaways
- EI includes self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.
- It is a set of skills, not a fixed personality trait.
- Naming emotions, pausing before reacting and listening to understand are powerful starting points.
The core components of emotional intelligence
Different models exist. A widely used framework, associated with Goleman and colleagues, groups EI into four areas:
- Self-awareness: recognising your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour.
- Self-management: controlling impulses, managing stress and adapting to change.
- Social awareness: understanding other people’s emotions and perspectives (empathy).
- Relationship management: communicating clearly, resolving conflict, and inspiring and influencing others.
Why emotional intelligence matters
Research, including a 2010 meta-analysis by Dana Joseph and Daniel Newman, has found that emotional intelligence is associated with job performance, particularly in roles that involve a lot of emotional labour such as customer service, sales and management. EI also supports healthier relationships and better stress management.
Signs of high and low emotional intelligence
- Higher EI: you can name what you feel, stay calm under pressure, apologise sincerely, and read the room.
- Lower EI: you react before thinking, struggle to accept feedback, often feel misunderstood, and blame others.
8 ways to improve your emotional intelligence
1. Name your emotions precisely
Go beyond “I’m fine” or “I’m upset.” Are you disappointed, anxious, embarrassed or resentful? Research on “affect labelling” suggests that naming emotions can reduce their intensity.
2. Pause before reacting
When you feel triggered, take a breath or wait a few minutes before replying to that email or WhatsApp message.
3. Keep a feelings journal
Note situations that trigger strong emotions and how you responded. Patterns will emerge.
4. Ask for feedback
Ask trusted friends or colleagues: “How do I come across when I’m stressed?”
5. Listen to understand, not to reply
Summarise what the other person said before responding: “So what you’re saying is…”
6. Practise empathy
Ask yourself what the other person might be feeling and why, especially in disagreements.
7. Manage stress
EI drops when you are exhausted. See how to manage stress.
8. Repair quickly
When you get it wrong, apologise specifically and make amends.
Try this this week
For the next seven days, pause three times a day and name exactly what you’re feeling in one or two words: frustrated, anxious, proud, disappointed. Write it down. By the end of the week, you’ll start to notice patterns in what triggers you, and that awareness is where emotional intelligence begins.
Frequently asked questions
Is emotional intelligence more important than IQ?
They measure different things. IQ predicts some aspects of academic and job performance. EI adds value, especially in people-focused roles. Claims that EI matters “twice as much” as IQ are not strongly supported by research.
Can emotional intelligence be learned?
Yes. Studies of EI training programmes show modest but meaningful improvements.
Related reading
- How to communicate better in relationships
- Qualities of a good leader
- Lonely in a new city? 7 ways to build connection
Sources
- Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185–211.
- Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.
- Joseph, D. L., & Newman, D. A. (2010). Emotional intelligence: An integrative meta-analysis and cascading model. Journal of Applied Psychology, 95(1), 54–78.
- Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
Written and fact-checked by the Mindset.ng Editorial Team in line with our Editorial Policy. Last updated: 23 September 2026.
